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Previous tips

Please browse below to find tips that have previously been available on the Parenting Support page.

Tips for parents by parents on what to do if you think your child is bullying or is being bullied

• Listen and talk to them. They may feel out of control and ashamed - whether they are being bullied or bullying. Let them know you love them and want to help. Be clear that it is important for the bullying to stop and that the school will need to be involved.
• Make it clear you are there to listen and that you will not judge or be angry if your child talks to you about being different
• If your child is bullying others, think about what might be behind it – are they trying to get attention or fit in with the crowd, or are they unaware of how they are hurting others?
• Talk to the school as soon as possible. Try to stay calm when you talk to the teachers – it helps to write down what you know and what the school says to you about what they are going to do.
• If you think things are not getting better, ask to see the school’s anti-bullying policy and make an appointment to see the head teacher. 
• If your child is a victim of prejudice bullying, you could use topical news items or soap stories to start the conversation about bullying and prejudice.
• Find out how the school is working to stamp out bullying and talk to them about your worries around prejudice.
• Take care of yourself.  Coping with your child’s bullying may be very stressful – especially if it brings back memories of your own experiences.  Try to take time for yourself or talk over what you feel with friends or family. 
  

Meeting the Challenges of the Recession

Stress and conflict may arise in some families as a direct result of a squeeze on the household budgets and there will be an anxiety impact from the gloomy economic news on children who will worry about the future for their family.
ParentLine Plus is urging parents not to be put off asking for help because they fear they will be labelled as ‘bad parents.’ In a stressful situation, asking for help is a sign of parenting strength, and parents should be encouraged to access the support available, such as the free and confidential Parentline service they offer 24 hours a day - 0808 800 2222.
Acting Chief Executive, Lucy Edington explains:
“We know that many parents are being hit by a triple whammy of higher prices, the end of fixed rate mortgage deals and a fear of losing their job. This is a stressful time. More than ever before, our children are under pressure to have the latest fashion and technology in order to fit in, and now many families simply can’t afford to do this.”
“The credit crisis means that for the first time many parents can no longer buy fashion or high value items in a way that was routine a year or two ago. The squeeze on incomes means parents will sometimes feel that they are somehow letting down their children. This can lead to stress for parents and children at home as an adjustment has to be made to the new situation.”
The charity recently launched the www.gotateenager.org.uk website specifically for parents of teenagers last month, who account for over half of all calls to their helpline. Many of the problems being faced by parents are likely to be increased by a strain on household finances.

News Worries
With the daily news being led by doom and gloom coverage of the economic crisis, and now extensive coverage about the impending rise in unemployment, these headlines may also take its toll on families in other ways. Recent online research by Parentline Plus suggested that 71% of parents felt their children were affected by major news stories [2] causing many children may be unsettled or feel worried about the future.
“It is important to try not to alarm your children and overload them with too much information. Parents will also need to ensure any information that is given is age-appropriate: younger children will be thinking about particular news stories in much simpler terms than older children.”
“What can be much tougher is trying to contain your own anxiety. Your children will be taking leads from you and will pick up on any fears you are displaying.  Do ask for help- being able to discuss your economic fears confidentially with another adult may make them seem more manageable.”

‘Just Ask’
Parentline Plus are urging parents to ‘Just Ask’. Persuading and encouraging parents to use the support available when they need an extra helping hand, can often prevent their situation from reaching a crisis level. For a lot of parents who are facing the economic realities of a period of unemployment, or a reduction from two incomes down to one, this will be a challenging period.
A starting point is for parents and children to be able to recognise that economic events can’t always be controlled and not to blame themselves.
Parentline Plus is keen to point out that there may also be potential positives that can come out of a changed economic situation. In our hectic working culture, parents often feel that they don’t get to spend the time they would like to with their children. While the economic crisis will make life harder for many families, there could also be a renewed opportunity to share good quality time together.

Tips on Internet Safety

• If possible make sure the computer is in a family room.
• Show an interest in what your child is doing on the net but try for a balance between respecting their privacy and making sure they don't feel the need to be secretive.
• Agree rules such as never giving out contact details and make sure that your child knows why they should never give out their full name, home address, telephone number or email address.
• Agree with your child what they can and can't have access to on the net. Insist they don't download anything from 'pop-ups' that can appear on the screen. These are often pornographic. Ask them to fetch you if the 'pop-ups' keep reappearing as they can be very persistent. Software like 'Net Nanny' or 'Adware' can be installed to block undesirable sites or 'pop-ups'.
• Remember some young people will use chat rooms to 'reinvent' themselves which is perfectly normal.
• Don't just have one-off conversations about keeping safe.
• Ask your Internet service provider what service they offer to protect your family.
• Are you intimidated by technology, don't have access to the Internet or haven't had the opportunity to learn? Try your local family centres, colleges, libraries and Internet cafes.
• There are special types of software that can be installed to block unwanted sites or 'pop-ups'. They offer online activity monitoring, recording and blocking. This software protects your children and gives you with the comfort of knowing that you are protecting them without stopping them from using the internet. It also means that you can know at all times what your children are doing when online and are able to put a stop to any potential threats and dangerous situations that might appear. Read reviews on the best software available (for example on www.webuser.co.uk) before making your choice.

Tackling the mobile phone dilemma

Points to consider:

What would it cost you, not only for the first pay out but for all the credit too?

What would your child use it for?

Would it be a distraction – are your children trying to be too grown-up? Would they be on their phone constantly which would cause arguments at meals or bedtime or when they were supposed to be doing their homework?

Many separated parents Parentline Plus spoke to could see the positives of keeping in touch through the mobile phone, whether it was the non-resident parent who could send texts or call the child directly, or the resident parent who felt reassured that their child could keep in touch during contact if they needed to.

Some parents told us that they liked the idea their child had a safety net and could get in touch easily if they didn’t feel safe at times such as walking home from school or on the school bus.

Some parents worried that this could be another way the bullies could get to their child, but that mobiles could make their child feel more safe knowing they could phone a parent or adult if they didn’t feel safe.

Some parents didn’t want their children to feel left out if all their friends had phones and they were the only one who didn’t.

Saying no

If you have decided you won’t get your child a mobile for whatever reason e.g. your child is too young or you can’t afford one, visit the A-Z topic section on the ParentLine Plus website for tips on how to manage pester power.

Saying yes with conditions

If you aren’t against the idea but want to set some rules so you can manage your child’s use of their mobile phone here are a few ideas parents have suggested…

"I sat down with my 10 year old who had been pestering me for at least a year for a mobile phone. We drew up a contract between us with rules we agreed on. The bottom line was, if the rules were broken the phone would be taken off her."

Ban the mobile phone in the bedroom at night. Research shows us that children or adults do not sleep as soundly if the mobile is sitting by the bed as we are always listening out for that text or phone ring – which makes us tired and less able to concentrate.

Ban the mobile phone at other times such as meal times, or when they are supposed to be doing their homework. The phone has to be switched off or put in another room. This will save arguments and nagging at a later date if the rules are set beforehand.

Most schools ban mobile phones in the classroom and will confiscate them if found. Make sure your child is aware of the rules and the consequences.

Before you go out to buy the phone set a price and what you are willing to pay for credit each week/month so that you help to manage their expectations and they won’t come pestering you for more credit if they use it all up in a short space of time. Don’t get trapped into paying out lots more as your child plays the old, ‘I need more credit in case of an emergency’ line!

Be clear with your child that if they lend their phone to a friend, give it away or swap it you won’t replace it so they understand the phone is their responsibility.

The build up and the loss – a parent's guide to surviving the empty nest syndrome this autumn

Thousands of parents will be hit by the empty nest syndrome this month as their children head off for universities and colleges around the country. National charity Parentline Plus is offering top tips for parents preparing for the big send off and asks ‘what can parents do to prepare themselves?’
Tensions can run high in the lead up to the new term. The stressful last minute packing, the pearls of wisdom which seem to fall on deaf ears and the thought of financial strife can lead to arguments flaring up at a time when you want to enjoy your children before you lose them to a new life as a Fresher.
Parents may be anxious about their child’s life skills as they prepare to live away from home for the first time and worry if they will manage their money, be able to make a decent meal and not spend all their time at the student union making the most of the cheap price of beer! Whilst at the same time parents have aspirations for their children getting a good education and a head start in life.
“Parents can start to prepare themselves for the changes ahead and the loss they will feel when their child moves out of the family home for the first time, re-discovering themselves, their relationships, and life after children”.  Says Lucy Edington, Acting Chief Executive of Parentline Plus. “Just because they have moved away, it doesn’t mean they don’t need you, your reassurance and your support”.

Parentline Plus top tips for parents by parents: 

• Acknowledge how you feel – knowing how and why you are feeling anxious or low is a start in the right direction. You may all feel quite stressed getting ready for the move. Lots of your time may be taken up with helping your child get things ready.
• Talk about it. If arguments are flaring up near to the move time talk about how you are feeling. But remember to try not to make your child feel guilty about flying the nest as this will cause resentment.
• You may feel quite a shock when they are gone – almost like grieving. Think about ways of keeping in touch if they don’t live round the corner such as learn how to e-mail. Or if they have moved locally invite them over for dinner or plan a shopping trip together.
• Be aware of how you are with any children who are still at home. Try not to over compensate with other children who may feel suffocated by too much attention.
• Make plans for the weeks after they have moved out so you keep busy and start taking time out for yourself.
• Do something for yourself. You may have more time for yourself now the washing and ironing has gone down! whether it is spending more time with friends or pursuing a dream - think about what you want.
• If you have a partner you may feel you want to rediscover your relationship now the focus has gone from the kids. Think of things to do together without the children.

Lucy ends: “Don’t forget they will soon be back in the holidays, so prepare yourself for this if you have got used to having the place to yourself”.

Surviving the summer holidays - a guide for parents from Parentline Plus
With the summer holidays nearly upon us and children across the nation getting excited about a long break from school, it can be a very different story for their stressed parents says leading parent support charity, Parentline Plus.  Issues parents and carers can be faced with include finding affordable childcare, the cost of holidays and days out and keeping the kids entertained.
This year the pressures will be magnified due to the squeeze on household budgets caused by the recession. Parentline Plus is currently running a major campaign to help ease the pressure on families who are suffering hardship and risk family break up and increased stress due to the effects of the recession.   Funded by the Department for Children, Schools and Families, this campaign has included a local radio advertising campaign, a free recession pack given out to callers to its helpline and one million leaflets packed with tips and information on beating the recession sent out to schools, children’s centres and other places that parents visit
“The long summer holidays are an exciting prospect for children and young people, but it can be pretty daunting if you are a parent or carer and you need to think about finding childcare or ways to entertain the kids during all that time stretching ahead of you,” says Parentline Plus Chief Executive Jeremy Todd.
Parents bringing up their children alone and separated families in disagreement over where children will spend their time, can also find the holidays stressful and depressing, underlining the fact that the family has changed.  In addition to this, parents may feel guilty about the limited amount of time they have available with their children, or feel under pressure to take their children on holidays or days out during the summer that they cannot afford.

PARENTLINE PLUS TIPS

• Don’t try and fill every minute of everyday, it will only exhaust you and the kids don’t need that much stimulation. If you work or have other commitments remember quality is more important than quantity.
• Look for what childcare options are available in your area.   Some parents share childcare with friends, relatives and each other, whilst others balance it with kids’ clubs and family centres. A variety of options makes child care more flexible for you. Ask around for recommendations.
• Just relax and try and enjoy it yourself, it’s your holiday too. Don’t feel guilty if you pack the kids off for the day, or get a sitter in for a night out. Other adults can bring in fresh entertainment for the kids too and it gives everyone a break.
• Give your kids a chance to get bored. How many times do you hear kids whining, ”I’m bored”? It’s ok for them to get bored! Give their imaginations a chance to come up with ideas to fill in those long hours. If you are trying to balance the needs of a range of ages get them to come up with ideas – have a family meeting to decide.
• Make sure that young people get unstructured chill-out time.  They need it as much as adults. They aren’t being aimless or lazy if they spend their free time hanging around, watching TV, playing on the computer, listening to music – or even not getting out of bed until lunchtime!
• Don’t expect your teenager to want to spend the whole holidays playing happy families. They may well want to spend time doing their own thing, but may be happy enough to spend a day or two with the family.
• If you have to leave your teenagers alone for any period give them clear instructions about what to do if there is a problem. Leave a list of people you trust who they can go to.
• Plan contact arrangements, ensure regular contact or just simply take time out to talk. For separated parents and their children the lack of routine, separate holidays, or not seeing a parent at all can be difficult.
• Try to get back into a routine. Late nights and long lazy days are what holidays are all about but try and ease them back into routine as the holiday comes to an end. That way, bedtimes won’t be such a struggle when they do go back to school.

If you are a parent or carer and would like more information and/or support you can call Parentline Plus’ 24-hour free, confidential Parentline on 0808 800 2222, or go to the website www.parentlineplus.org.uk .