Parentline Plus Websites: www.parentlineplus.org.uk

One-stop for professionals: www.parentlineplusforprofessionals.org.uk

Dedicated to issues around bullying: www.besomeonetotell.org.uk

For parents of teenagers: www.gotateenager.org.uk

Home Access is a government drive which will help low-income families to get access to a computer and the internet to get online at home.

If you are a low income family in receipt of certain benefits you could qualify for a grant to buy a computer and/or a minimum of one years’ internet access. The programme is aimed at those that need it most and targets families that do not have access to a computer or the internet at home.

Depending on what you need, the grant allows eligible applicants to buy one of the following packages:

1. Full package (a computer, one year's internet access, service and support)
2. A computer with service and support only
3. One year's internet access only

If you are a parent and think you are eligible for a Home Access grant, click here to see how to get an application form.

More Help for Dads

Parents? charity launches calls for more help for dads as new report launched

CONTACT: Parentline Plus national press office 0151 643 0101/out of hours 07545102129

Parentline Plus has launched a new report highlighting how Dads seek help differently from Mums when it comes to advice and support on being a parent. The report calls for more support for fathers.

Dads Less Likely to Ask for Help

The report reviews why Dads are less likely to ask for help, and also looks at the reasons why Dads do finally get in touch with Parentline Plus or other support organisation. One dad commented ?I?ve always dealt with any situation that arose be it regards myself or my children without ever contemplating involving anyone other than immediate family or friends.?

Jeremy Todd, Dad and Chief Executive of Parentline Plus, said: ?Our research clearly shows that fathers desperately need to have one place to turn that is obviously there for them. Existing research also shows that the support services have got to go to where men are found, rather than expecting men to find the service,?

Looking in depth at over 4000 long calls to Parentline Plus? free 24-hour helpline ? 0808 800 2222 ? the charity identified two key reasons for men calling. Nearly half of calls from men were about the impact of divorce and separation, with many others were concerned about the impact of couple conflict.
The charity also examined other findings including a web survey, while groups of dads around the country were also questioned about their views.*
The charity found that fathers had difficulty in finding and accessing services and didn?t trust current services but they placed huge value on talking with people who had similar experiences to their own.

Dads Need Real Support

Parentline Plus believes that specific services are needed to target fathers. The feedback from men time and again was that there was little to help them. One father from a focus group commented:

?The whole system sees fathers as an appendix ? not essential but nice if you have one.?

Another commented: ?Agencies think: you?re a man, deal with it.?

The report also shows that fathers are wary of being told what to do by services, or of information being used against them by services. This means that services need to be really clear about the boundaries of confidentiality and about what they do and how, so as to build fathers? trust in them, and enable fathers to feel they can use them.

The charity has made a series of recommendations including:

Services need to reach out to fathers at the time of divorce and separation ? fathers need to have one place to turn that is there for them.


There must be a formal requirement for relevant services to work with fathers. This is currently treated as low priority in many areas with many dads not finding or getting support at the time of divorce and separation.


More needs to be done by all sectors of society to remove the stigma of asking for help. The research shows that this stigma affects men more than women because men are supposed to ?deal with things? themselves.


More opportunities for fathers to support other fathers. It is essential that men, and in particular young men, trust the organisation offering support. They need to know that they will be understood, that the service is confidential and they will not be judged.


Relevant public bodies must develop services specifically for fathers ? such as local workshops, websites etc. There are some already, both locally and nationally, but provision is patchy and most fathers don?t now what is available to them


The report also highlights the fact that family forms and structures have changed and continue to change. For example, in the 2000s, 40% of births are outside marriage ? a four fold increase from 10% in the 1970s.

The in-depth online survey was completed by 122 men and over 500 Q and As on the charity?s website were examined. Some 48 men were also quizzed in a series of focus groups in London, Birkenhead and Exeter.

Parentline Plus is involved in Mum, Dad, Baby, a campaign that is providing a ?Dad Card? to over 60% of UK maternity units providing practical support for mum re: the birth and also tips for the Dad. The assumption is that as 96% of parents are present together at the birth then this is an opportunity to support fathers where traditionally there is little information. It also recognises that the first 24 months of a new baby see a considerable number of relationships separate and if there is support from the outset, then fathers may not feel so isolated and unable to seek support.

In organising the focus groups, Parentline Plus was assisted by two organisations Families Need Fathers and Working with Men

Author of the Reluctant Fathers? Club Nick Duerden will soon be writing a blog for Parentline Plus. To find out more log on to www.parentlineplus.org.uk

This research comes after Parentline Plus launched a major campaign to help ease the pressure on families who are suffering hardship and risk family break up and increased stress due to the effects of the recession. The charity is keen to spread the work that help, support and advice is available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week via its free, confidential Parentline ? 0808 800 2222

Would you let your teen holiday with friends?

With summer now upon us, a regular dilemma faced by parents contacting the leading parent support charity, Parentline Plus is whether or not to allow older teens to go on holiday on their own for the first time.
Teenagers may well want to go on holiday with friends or a boyfriend or girlfriend rather than with their family, especially if their friends are allowed to go away on their own, but it's not easy for a parent to make this decision.
Major worries for parents in this situation are the dangers of alcohol and drugs and the risk of holiday romances and unprotected sex. Thousands of parents contact Parentline Plus, which is the biggest independent provider of parent support in the country, about these issues every year. Parentline Plus can provide tips on how parents can talk to their children about sex, relationships and responsibilities to help keep them safe.
If your teen is under 16, many resorts and campsites will not take bookings from unaccompanied under 16-year-olds. So this can be helpful in putting an end to discussions. There are however alternatives such as organised holidays which tend to be activity or camping holidays with responsible adults to watch out for them.
The charity's leaflet 'The Real Picture' provides a wealth of information to help parents keep their teenagers safe and highlights issues from having safer sex to drugs and drink - this can be downloaded from the website or ordered via Parentline 0808 800 2222.
Tips on teenagers alone on holiday:
? Talk openly about what you see as the potential dangers in a practical way so that they don't tune out
? Don't over focus on anxieties and concerns - remember it is supposed to be fun for them
? Make contact with their friends' parents so that you can share contact details and information
? Ensure they have credit on their mobile phones and that they are charged and make a deal with them to text you every couple of days (check with the phone company that this is possible if holidaying abroad)
? If they meet someone and have a holiday romance, remind them of making safe decisions when it comes to having sex. Talk about choices and contraception
? Make them aware of drinks being spiked and not putting themselves in vulnerable situations. Remind them of safety in pairs
? Ensure they have access to a bank account or emergency money, eg, in case they need to pay for healthcare upfront abroad
? Get informed and talk about drugs, especially if they are likely to go to a club
? Talk about drinking alcohol in moderation, especially when mixed with the hot sun
? Expect to wake up in the night worrying and hoping they are ok - this is normal!
Parentline Plus, which is the leading parent support charity operating a free, confidential 24 hour Parentline 0808 800 2222, answers over 100,000 calls and emails a year, with some 47 per cent from parents of teenagers. The charity offers parent to parent support, and based on feedback from parents calling the Parentline or attending its parenting groups, it has put together some tips for parents facing this dilemma (a full list of tips are at www.gotateenager.org.uk in the section called 'boundaries').
For more tips, including advice for travelling abroad visit the Parentline Plus website at www.parentlineplus.org.uk or www.gotateenager.org.uk.
*Free from landlines and most mobile networks.

Recession Challenges for Parents

Parent support charity Parentline Plus is preparing for an increase in calls from parents as the credit crunch and banking crisis are expected to turn into a recession, where household incomes drop and there is an increase in unemployment.

Stress and conflict may arise in some families as a direct result of a squeeze on the household budgets and there will be an anxiety impact from the gloomy economic news on children who will worry about the future for their family.

The charity is urging parents not to be put off asking for help because they fear they will be labelled as ‘bad parents.’ In a stressful situation, asking for help is a sign of parenting strength, and parents should be encouraged to access the support available, such as the free* and confidential Parentline service they offer 24 hours a day - 0808 800 2222.

Acting Chief Executive, Lucy Edington explains:
“We know that many parents are being hit by a triple whammy of higher prices, the end of fixed rate mortgage deals and a fear of losing their job. This is a stressful time. More than ever before, our children are under pressure to have the latest fashion and technology in order to fit in, and now many families simply can’t afford to do this.”

“The credit crisis means that for the first time many parents can no longer buy fashion or high value items in a way that was routine a year or two ago. The squeeze on incomes means parents will sometimes feel that they are somehow letting down their children. This can lead to stress for parents and children at home as an adjustment has to be made to the new situation.”

The charity recently launched the www.gotateenager.org.uk website [1] specifically for parents of teenagers last month, who account for over half of all calls to their helpline. Many of the problems being faced by parents are likely to be increased by a strain on household finances.

News Worries

With the daily news being led by doom and gloom coverage of the economic crisis, and now extensive coverage about the impending rise in unemployment, these headlines may also take its toll on families in other ways. Recent online research by Parentline Plus suggested that 71% of parents felt their children were affected by major news stories [2] causing many children may be unsettled or feel worried about the future.

Parentline Plus spokewoman Suzie Hayman commented:
“It is important to try not to alarm your children and overload them with too much information. Parents will also need to ensure any information that is given is age-appropriate: younger children will be thinking about particular news stories in much simpler terms than older children.”

“What can be much tougher is trying to contain your own anxiety. Your children will be taking leads from you and will pick up on any fears you are displaying. If you are feeling anxious, talk to a friend or relative or call the Parentline free of charge* on 0808 800 2222. Being able to discuss your economic fears confidentially with another adult may make them seem more manageable.”



‘Just Ask’

Parentline Plus are urging parents to ‘Just Ask’. Persuading and encouraging parents to use the support available when they need an extra helping hand, can often prevent their situation from reaching a crisis level. For a lot of parents who are facing the economic realities of a period of unemployment, or a reduction from two incomes down to one, this will be a challenging period.
A starting point is for parents and children to be able to recognise that economic events can’t always be controlled and not to blame themselves. When parents have sought help from the Parentline, the vast majority feel the benefits. One parent said:

“Parentline Plus helped build up my self-confidence and made me see I’m doing a very worthwhile and important job looking after my daughter.”

Parentline Plus is keen to point out that there may also be potential positives that can come out of a changed economic situation. In our hectic working culture, parents often feel that they don’t get to spend the time they would like to with their children. While the economic crisis will make life harder for many families, there could also be a renewed opportunity to share good quality time together.

What is crucial is that parents know they can either pick up the phone or make contact by email anonymously and confidentially. The Parentline Plus helpline is free and is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Parents can also visit www.parentlineplus.org.uk online and all emails sent in do get answered.

* Free to landlines and most mobile networks

PARENTS OF TEENAGERS TO BE CAUGHT IN THE SAME WEB AS THEIR CYBER TEENS

Parents will be giving their social-networking mad teens a run for their money as a dedicated new website for them has been launched by national charity Parentline Plus.

The site www.gotateenager.org.uk – the first of its kind in the country - will enable parents of teens to communicate online by sharing experiences, swapping ideas and supporting one another.

Innovative features will include e-learning modules enabling parents to complete online courses such as getting on with your teenager or dealing with drug and alcohol use and an online comic book covering storylines and scenarios that will be familiar to many families with teenagers.

The website, also features a ‘teen speak’ jargon buster, blogs, message boards, web TV shows and articles, tips and stories from other parents of teenagers.

The charity, which secured Government funding to launch the website, answers 112,000 calls to its free, 24-hour Parentline – 0808 800 2222 – each year and half of all calls are from parents of teens. Issues worrying parents include drugs, binge-drinking, discipline problems and gang culture.

“Parents of primary school children enjoy a network of support and friendship that is lost when their children make the transition to secondary school,” says Lucy Edington, Acting Chief Executive of Parentline Plus. “Gotateenager.org.uk plugs that gap by creating an online community for parents of teenagers. The social networking element is key and runs throughout the site, encouraging parents to interact, share tips and strategies and gain confidence to tackle issues.”

The site aims to help parents of teens by supporting them through their journey of bringing up their teenagers, providing informal support, information and tools, as well as signposting to other helpful organisations.

During the development of the website the charity consulted with parents of teens to ensure that content reflects issues of concern to parents. Parents visiting the site can access a menu of topics including boundaries, school issues, health and wellbeing and risky behaviours to get more information and tips.

The site also includes a texting service where parents can have tips and information texted to their mobile phones.

Parentline Plus is a national charity that works for, and with parents. We are the biggest independent provider of parenting support in the country. We understand family life can be challenging and difficult: our strength is offering parent to parent support to work through problems and find practical solutions.

A 24-hour free* confidential Parentline 0808 800 2222
Free textphone for people who are deaf, hard of hearing or have a speech impairment 0800 783 6783
Parenting groups and workshops
Information materials
Individual support
An email service parentsupport@parentlineplus.org.uk
A helpful, interactive website for parents www.parentlineplus.org.uk including message boards
An online community for parents www.parentlineplus.org.uk/community
An online one-stop shop for professionals www.parentlineplusforprofessionals .org.uk
Training for professionals
Volunteer opportunities
Our site for parents of teenagers
www.gotateenager.org.uk

*Free from landlines and most mobile phone networks

Parents say ‘no’ to pester power

Christmas may be a time for giving, but parents struggling to meet the demands of their children’s never-ending wish lists during the Credit Crunch are being urged by national charity Parentline Plus not to give in to pester power.

The charity is offering top tips to parents wanting to manage their child’s demands and expectations this year when they are asked for expensive Christmas gifts that they can’t afford. And with advertising campaigns increasingly targeting children to pester their parents it’s not surprising that Christmas can be one big worry for parents and their purse strings.

‘Parents can feel under pressure to spoil their children with expensive gifts and it’s hard to say no sometimes’, says Lucy Edington, Acting Chief Executive for Parentline Plus ‘but parents can actually help their kids see they can’t always have everything. One thing we advise is ask children to list presents in order of preference with a limit of five”

Parentline Plus top tips for parents by parents

Don’t feel guilty for not having a bottomless purse. Especially if you want to give them things you never had. It helps to be calmly honest and explain what you think is value for money and what is affordable.
Don’t say yes unless you mean it. If your child asks you if they can have something and you feel put on the spot, tell them you will think about it so you can give them a final answer rather than break a promise which can be hard for your child to understand.

Remember that children change their minds every week with new crazes. Help them to see that they can’t have everything they want - tell them that not even Father Christmas has that much money and ask them to list presents in order of preference with a limit of five. Some parents tell their children that Father Christmas' list closes on November 30th (or a time convenient to you) to avoid last minute changes and panic buying.

Is there anyone who can look after the kids when you go Christmas shopping? Although there is not always a babysitter to hand when you want to go shopping, there may be times where you can share babysitting so that you can go shopping without the children and avoid the stress of shopping with them.
When you say no, mean it. If your kids know that you will eventually cave in they will keep trying. This can be the hardest thing to do. But just remember you are saying no for a reason.

Agree tactics with your partner. Agree on decisions and stick to them so you don’t undermine each other.
Setting ground rules with your ex-partner is important in the same way all decisions are, so if you have said no for a reason you know your ex-partner will back you up. But if this sounds an impossible task, don’t let yourself get het up if they buy the kids presents you can’t afford. Remember all the things that you do give your child, like your time, love or simple but thoughtful presents will be remembered long after the latest toy has been thrown away.

When you say no it may help to talk to your child about why. It could be that you can’t afford it or that you only just bought them something last week. 'Just because I say so' is sometimes not enough for your child to understand the decision. But be firm so you don’t get caught in the trap of haggling if your child has an answer for everything.

Is there a compromise? For example, the latest mobile phone doesn’t come cheap but may be really important to your teenager and how they fit in with their friends. Is there a possibility of sharing the cost with your older children? If they have a Saturday job or paper round you could offer to pay for half if they put in the rest. Or could you combine birthday and Christmas presents together if they were set on something? Again if your child is really serious about something can the family club together rather than buy individual presents? If you do this you may need to remind your child that they will not be getting as many presents if everyone clubs together.

Even if you say no try to show your child you understand how they feel. Sometimes as parents we forget how important something as simple as a pair of trainers or the latest football shirt can be. But to some children it can mean so much more - like fitting in with friends, or trying to impress. Even if the answer is no, try not to be flippant with your answer.

Try to get out of the habit of buying something every time you go out and make treats be what they are treats – especially in the run up to Christmas. If you know your child will start asking for a new toy, take one of their favourites in your bag to distract them. Or if you know your child will want a drink or a snack pop some in your bag. They will soon learn that mummy or daddy’s purse doesn’t come out for them every time you go out.

Childhood Aggression “Behind Closed Doors”

A new report on aggressive behaviour in children by parents' charity Parentline Plus, has called for a culture shift to tackle aggression in children [1]. This issue was a featured section of the BBC One Show broadcast at 7pm on Wednesday 12th November.

The report looked at nearly 30,000 calls over a nine month period to the Parentline which is a free*, 24 hour a day, confidential phone line for parents, and a web survey for parents with concerns about the behaviour of their children.

86% of callers concerned about aggression reported that it was something that took place primarily in the family home. In a web survey carried out by Parentline Plus, 9% of parents reported that the aggression had led to an injury of a parent or carer, with 9% also reporting injuries to a sibling.

Some of the key findings of the report showed that mothers take the brunt of the physical aggression of their children and that it is children aged 13 to 15 that are most likely to be violent. The reasons for violence and aggression are complex and the report also reflects that parents in this position have often been asking for help for a long time.

Head of Policy at Parentline Plus, Hilary Chamberlain added:

“This is a hidden problem for many families. We need to put the issues out into the open and to get society to recognise that help on parenting is like getting help when your car breaks down. You don't simply scrap your car - getting a bit of technical support at the right time might be all that is needed.”

“Our 24 hour helpline, free of charge to landlines and most mobile networks, can be a starting point for parents who need to tackle these issues. By picking up the phone and ringing 0808 800 2222, or by getting in contact through one of the Parentline Plus websites such as www.gotateenager.org.uk, parents can access the support they need.”

For many parents dealing with aggression in their children, confidence and resilience in their parenting skills has been shattered, and their ability to know what action they can take is severely limited. For the children themselves, reports from Childline indicate that the children calling them often regret lashing out, whether it was because their anger was hurting those they loved, or because they recognised it was getting them into too much trouble [2].

Real Life Stories

Parentline Plus is keen to challenge the cultural stereotyping of parents who have to cope with aggressive children. The reasons for aggression are complex and can arise from childhood experiences, relationship break up, peer influences and gang culture. The results can be very distressing for many parents.

“I have a 19 year old son that beats me up. I have called police and they arrested him but brought him back to my address. I’m too scared to do anything. I live inside my bedroom and take as many sleeping pills as I can to not have to face the day as each time I come out my room I’m verbally or physically abused and I just can’t take no more the police won’t help me I’m suicidal just want it all to end one way or another.”

Lucy Edington, Acting Chief Executive for Parentline Plus commented:

“A majority of the children that demonstrate aggressive behaviour at home do not fall within any definition of mental illness and therefore have not been seen as eligible for local authority family support services as children in need. Our report strongly suggests that most of them should fall within this definition.”

“We know that parents who ask for help are currently faced with an enormous stigma and in this report we are tackling the last taboo about violence in the home.”

“There needs to be a full and frank debate about aggression in our children and young people, and that requires a huge cultural shift in society’s attitude to parents who ask for support, not just at a crisis point, but in terms of preventative action. Other aspects of domestic violence, between partners, or physical abuse towards children, are recognised and tackled within existing services, but the risks to parents and to siblings from childhood aggression are currently being ignored.”

Nancy’s story, a case study included in the report, shows that real change is possible, and offers hope to parents who currently feel helpless in the face of their child's aggression.

“The extreme violence from Nancy’s daughter quickly reduced once Nancy made herself clear to her daughter. Nancy realised that she had not done this effectively enough in the past. She had been reluctant to make a suitably strong statement to her daughter for fear of the reaction it might provoke ... There was still much more to do, but Nancy felt able to do it.”

* Calls are free from landlines and most mobile networks

[1] A full copy of the Parentline Aggression report 'You can’t say go and sit on the naughty step because they turn round and say make me' is available in a PDF format on request.

[2] NSPCC/ChildLine, 2007 Casenotes, Calls to ChildLine about Depression and mental health. www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/publications/Serials/ChildLineCasenotes/CLMH_wda53964.html

Parentline Plus services include

A free confidential, 24-hour Parentline 0808 800 2222
A free textphone for people who are deaf, hard of hearing or have a speech impairment 0800 783 6783
Email support
Individual support
Parenting groups and workshops
Information materials
A helpful, interactive website for parents www.parentlineplus.org.uk
An online community for parents www.parentlineplus.org.uk/community
An online one-stop shop for professionals www.parentlineplusforprofessionals.org.uk
A new website for parents concerned about bullying www.besomeonetotell.org.uk
A social networking site for parents of teenagers www.gotateenager.org.uk
Training for professionals
Volunteer opportunities